thoughts of a missionary on the island of Guam

Saturday, May 14, 2011

the end.

What a day. I've been solemn since this morning. I'm finding myself at a transitional position. It seems I'm almost always here. Changing from one thing to the next. Sometimes I yearn for a more steady and peaceful way of life, other times I thrive in the adventure of it all. The fact that I'm so contradictory in my feelings, to my dismay, is further proof that I'm one flawed individual. I thank God, for using me anyhow. :)

It is said that the end of a thing is better than its beginning. Well it's the end of another school year at my family's school on the island of Guam (est. 2008). If you'd ever watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy (yes, I'm into it) you would remember the incredibly lengthy ending of the final film. Frodo has just been on this incredible journey, facing the greatest evil imaginable, and saving all of Middle Earth from it. He is FINALLY able to return to his beloved Shire, the only home he's really known, yet it somehow doesn't feel like home anymore. He looks so aged and worn from his experiences. Now, I'm not saying that this school year can really compare to all of that (despite some challenging times- haha!), but it seems that some experiences age you on the inside, just like that.

I feel like I've grown so much and that I'm not the same person I was, even just a year ago. I've been humbled. I realize now that I know nothing, except the truths we see in God's written word, the Bible, of course. Yes, some speculation is enough to drive one crazy. Only God can discern thoughts and intents of the hearts of men and I think I'll leave that job to Him. He knows what to do with that information anyway.

At the end of a big adventure, a life-changing experience, there are always mixed emotions. I guess, in the midst of all the crazy transitions going on right now (the school moving to a new location, the family moving into the new school location, and trying to figure out where I fit in the mix of things this next school year), I'm searching for some kind of security to clutch onto. I found it tonight, in Christ. He's been my faithful friend. How do I know He cares personally about me? Not only is Psalm 139 so assuring of the fact, but I know because He has answered prayers I've only dared whisper in my heart. He's given me a peace that surpasses understanding. He's been good to those I love. He's been good to me.

I thank the Lord for a good year. I thank Him for using my family to doing something so cool; to be a part of His kingdom, and share in the honor of building it. Lord help us.

3 comments:

Mary Anne said...

Abby,

Thank you for this lovely post. Yes, we are all in transition. I am only just beginning to realize that we never really "get" there or "get everything figured out so we can get married or get that job or move on to the next part of life." Life is all about moving forward daily with God, and learning to depend on Him and love with the purest of loves and find your completion and fulfillment in Him. Do I feel in flux and insecure and lonely and scared and ungrounded sometimes (or most of the time)? Most definitely! And God is faithful and just to bring me back to himself over and over again as I continually seek Him. It's about learning to love HIM and walking WITH him daily.

Keep walking and learning my friend! Thanks again for your encouraging post!

Much love and prayers,

Mary Anne

Tabby said...

Thanks for sharing, Ab. :]

Transitions and change can be quite daunting, but it's so encouraging to know that you continue to trust God at every turn. I am so thankful that we serve a God who is faithful beyond measure, constant despite our changing circumstances, and whose love is unconditional and independent of our transient feelings. He surely has blessed both you and your family, as you continue to do all for His glory! May His grace and provision continue to abound, as you do His will!

Love you, sis! <3

Tab

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Emma